Series-Wide
Parodies
Sheryl Crow: Favorite Mistake
Rock it!
I turned on the tube this evening
And hoping I won't be grieving
From one more disappointing bad show
I cringed as the theme song started
It sounds even more retarded
The cliffhanger is finally gone
Should have known when I sat
down to watch this g'agh
The cliffhanger would be a huge faux pas
When I turned on this show
It's a famous mistake
One bright spot in this grand mess
We got to see Hoshi undressed
If only she'd drop her arms
Too bad it was Malcolm's bedroom
It should have been Trip... Then, KABOOM
His rod and staff would comfort her
When you note it was wrote
by the B and B twins
You should note that logic will never win
With this lame temporal war
It's a famous mistake
Such a tragic mistake
Well maybe Gene will haunt the soundstage
And then the show will turn a new page
Maybe Steven Ira Behr will
Take over and we'll see a new show
Where we won't want to run away
From this major mistake
Did you know, could you tell
How the cliffhanger'd end
Without a shred of sense
Wash your hands and rinse
Did you think it would improve?
The actors get a different grove?
Then you've made a mistake
Yet another mistake
Yes, you've made a mistake
Top Cat
This one is for fans of Hanna-Barbera’s classic cartoon “Top Cat” -- and fans
of the Vulcan everyone loves:
T’Pol
Ten pounds of silicone
T’Pol
She gave poor Trip a bone
First Vulcan to join an Earth crew
She can’t act but... what can you do?
T’Pol
Like Jeri Ryan
but not nearly as glam
She’s got boobs
She’s got rump
She made Trip act a chump
Archer’s “number one”
T’Pol
Yes she’s so hot
She’d melt steel
She let Trip cop a feel
Archer’s “number one”
T’Pol
Patty Duke
William Schallert, who played the dad on the Patty Duke show is a Star Trek
veteran. And that’s enough connection to nominate the Patty Duke show as
the next recipient of the Star Trek Enterprise Replacement Theme Song Award:
Meet Travis, who’s seen the galaxy,
He’s been in space since he was three.
But Malcolm grew up in the East
From East Timor to K.L.’s streets --
What a crazy pair!
They’re retarded,
A couple of goofballs on the crew.
One pair of useless crewmen,
The show can do without.
Where Travis lacks personality,
and has no soul, as we can see,
Our Malcolm is a closet gay,
He chased sexy Hoshi away --
What a wild duet!
They’re retarded,
Reflection of writers with no brain,
They take up space, chew scenery,
The yin and yang of skullduggery --
You can lose your mind,
These yo-yos are two of a kind.
Maude
How can we do “All in the Family” without doing it’s spin-off, “Maude” ???
With apologies to Dave Grusin and Andrew Bergman:
“Live Long and Prosper” was the Vulcan blessing
Brought to us by our friend Mister Spock
Kirstie Alley joined the movie franchise
Then like Shatner her waistline poppedTuvok gave us the first Black
Vulcan
A harbinger of bad things to come.
And when we thought it could get no worse
Enterprise got it all fouled up!
Then came T’Pol.
Then came T’Pol.
Then came T’Pol.
Then came T’Pol.
Then came T’Pol.
Then came T’Pol.
And then came
No facial expressions,
Lots of Phlox-gel sessions,
What were you expectin?
That’s T’Pol.
Love Boat
Now, if only we can get Isaac into 10-Forward...
Space...
Exciting and new...
Come aboard...
We’re expecting you...
En - ter - prise...
Soon will be making its maiden run...
En - ter - prise...
Papa Gene’s empire will soon be done...
With the tired stale stories
The series can’t live for long...
In space...
We’ll rub gel down your crack...
You will see...
Trip’s “nacelle” don’t retract...
In space...
Jeffersons
George and Weezy as Captain and First Officer? Well, one can dream,
can’t one? With apologies to Jeff Barry and Ja’net
Dubois...
Well we’re going to space
On a starship
With a hot sexy Vulcan on our crew
Yes we’re going to space
On a starship
Our mission is to find something new
If there’s contamination
Rub Phlox gel on your back
Get a raging erection
Rubbing down T’Pol’s crack
When we meet a new species
Archer will get beat down
And if there’s a game
Of space water polo
Please do us a favor and drown
Yes we’re going to space
On a starship
To turn Star Trek’s canon into shite
If the show don’t improve
By next season
We’ll finally bid the franchise “Good Ni-i-i-i-ight”
Hoobastank
Based on Hoobastank’s hit song “Crawling In The Dark” --
featured artists at Dwacon Music, by
the way.
I will dedicate
and sacrifice my every thing
for just one episode
with Hoshi fully naked.
And I wish I could see
Captain Archer be a man,
just for once to take a stand,
and not just hit the canvas.
Mister Berman, please
make this show worth watching
I've been staring at the tube,
missing DS9, and...
I would rather watch
A song and dance from Neelix
I've been staring at the tube
hoping it gets better.
T'Pol, show some skin.
Or at least some talent.
Give some personality
to wimpy boy Mayweather.
You'll be seeing me,
change the channel suddenly.
Will I ever get to see
a decent episode of...
Star Trek Enterprise
make this show worth watching
I've been staring at the tube,
missing TNG, and...
I would settle for
Will Robinson's bar mitzvah
I've been staring at the tube
hoping it gets better.
So when the hell will I know (know know know know know know...).
How much further do I have to go?
And how much longer 'til they improve the show?
'Cause I'm looking and I just can't take what's in front of me,
in front of me!
Mister Braga, PLEASE
make this show worth watching
I've been staring at the tube,
missing Lost in Space, and...
I would settle for
An hour of Doc Pulaski
I've been staring at the tube
hoping it gets better.
Hazel
Remember Shirley Booth as the irascible maid Hazel? With apologies to
Howard Greenfield and Jack Keller...
- Trip will follow everywhere she goes
T’Pol
- She’s the reason that we watch this show
T’Pol
- Not quite a clone of Jeri Ryan
But we don’t mind and I’m not lyin...
-
- We may soon see Star Trek disappear
T’Pol
You may put away your pointed ears
T’Pol
-
- Watch this series leave the air
We’ve taped copies, we don’t care
We’ll watch you, T’Pol
We’re just mad for you!
Gumby
I think Janeway had more testosterone than this guy...
He was once the guy who did Quantum Leaps.
Archer!
All he does these days is put us to sleep.
Archer!
Gets his ass kicked by Aliens
Risa’s Keyla put him down fast
If he grows some balls
the show will improve at last
Elvis Presley
The canon has left the franchise...
It ain’t nothin’ but a starship...
Tryin’ to make warp five
It ain’t nothin’ but a starship...
Tryin’ to make warp five
We got the blueprint from the Vulcans
And we took one for a drive...
We set off to find new life...
And we almost died
We set off to find new life...
And we almost died
We shot ’em with our newfangled cannons
And it seemed to turn the tide
And now the journey continues...
Star Trek Enterprise
Yeah the journey continues...
Star Trek Enterprise
We have destroyed the sacred canon
And that ain’t very wise
Chico and the Man
With apologies to José Feliciano
Archer, don’t be discouraged,
T’Pol she ain’t so hard to understand.
Archer, if you try now,
I know you can be a good Cap-i-tan.
But first you’ve got to grow some balls
‘Cause you take too many falls
And compared to Kirk your yank is awfully dry.
New writers, better producers
Will turn the tide for Star Trek Enterprise
Turn the tide for Star Trek Enterprise
Mary Tyler Moore
During Season One, a fan in the newsgroup requested a Mary Tyler Moore
theme song. We added a verse based on the first episode of season two.
Who make a starship living hell?
Who can contradict commands
And make first officers’ penis swell?
Well, it’s T’Pol, the Vulcan hottie
Her face has no expression
So we just watch her body
Starfleet says you gotta have a Vulcan
Might as well have one who’s built for <censored>
She might get naked after all...
She might get naked after all...
Who can squeeze her bod through narrow vents?
Who can lose her halter top...
While Malcolm remains a British gent?
Well it's Hoshi, the topless linguist
How cold were the vent pipes?
Only Reed could distinguish...
Crawling through the vents like Bruce in "Die Hard"
Flashing naked boobs would sure make Trip Hard
Someone got naked after all
Someone got naked after all
Banana Splits
Fleagle, Bingo, Drooper and Snorky might make better crewmembers...
Tra la la
Tra la la la
Tra la la
Tra la la la
Gonna start the warp engine and take it for a spin
Meet the war-like Klingons and defeat the Suliban
Gonna take some cleansing gel and rub down T’Pol’s back
Get a big erection after rubbing down her crack
Tra la la
Tra la la la
Tra la la
Tra la la la
All In The Family
We open on the familiar All In The Family set with Captain Archer and T’Pol seated side-by-side at
the piano. We hear the announcer, “From Television City in Hollywood!”
|
Archer |
Boy, the way we hit Warp Five |
|
T’Pol |
Couldn’t stop you, though we tried |
|
Archer |
Too bad Cochrane ain’t alive |
|
Both |
It’s Enterprise |
|
T’Pol |
Rub some Phlox gel on my rump |
|
Archer |
In my lap I’d get a lump |
|
Both |
Maybe we should move this show to HBO or ShowTime |
|
Archer |
More first contact we do seek |
|
T’Pol |
A new species every week |
|
Both |
Storylines so tired and weak |
|
Both |
It’s Ent-er-prise !!!!!! |
Alice
The late great Vic Tayback (of Mel’s Diner) would have made a great chef
for the Enterprise. And we would have to find a role for Flo to tell
Archer “Kiss my Grits!” So, here with apologies to Alan and Marilyn
Bergman & David Shire is the Alice theme song:
DS9 ends, Voyager too.
What would come next? We waited for months and then held our breath.
When Russell Watson sang that song, we lost our lunch.
We had to get up, find the producer and throw a punch!
There's a new Star Trek on and it makes us sore.
There's a new canon thanks to the temporal war.
There's a new Captain too, with a wimpy style.
He used to leap through time,
now he limps along as we reach for the dial... ba ba bum bum bummmm
Addams Family
Personally, I think Uncle Fester would make a great Starship captain
da da da dum
snap snap
da da da dum
snap snap
da da da dum
da da da dum
da da da dum
snap snap
A few years after Cochrane
But long before the Kirk run
We're witnessing the birth of
The Starship Enterprise
The captain is a sleeper
The Vulcan is a keeper
We'd really love to <bleep> her
The Starship Enterprise
da da da dum
snap snap
da da da dum
snap snap
da da da dum
da da da dum
da da da dum
snap snap
So try to keep from snoring
It does get rather boring
We're better off ignoring
The Starship Enterprise
snap snap
